thoughts constantly fill our minds and sometimes i just sit there and wonder why did certain thoughts even come to mind and sometimes you just find yourself constantly thinking of the same thing and i kinda dislike that nagging thought always at the back of my mind when i don't want it to be there. it's like i'm doing my work but somehow there's this feeling that's not right and it stops me from fully concentrating on what i'm doing at hand. something i realised: the harder you try to push away your thoughts, the more it gets to you.
two weeks of the holidays have passed and i don't really know what to feel. time is passing by like cray cray and yeah there were times i regret the choices i made at that moment but what can i do about it? there's no reliving the time that has passed by (much as i keep wishing for this to happen, it doesn't). there r days where i just feel crappy and annoyed at myself cus i can't do shit and i know it's my own fault but it's just sucky yknow :< days spent going out w the fam are happy days but they make me feel guilty and crappy at night upon realising that i haven't done any work w h y :( and somedays i just get past them without really feeling anything at all and it's like i'm simply going through motion becus i know that's what i'm supposed to do. something i still cannot comprehend is how some people are so motivated and they can constantly push themselves to strive harder and excel. like how do u do that? i guess i could once do that when i was younger (maybe even up till when i was sixteen) but now, UH UH :( it's like i keep trying to imagine how others live their lives cus i'm feeling a little directionless in life right now but i don't get that 'enlightenment' that i hope to achieve so as to know how to go about my studying life again. you feel me :(
andddddd well time spent apart from people gradually allows you to figure out stuff and sometimes certain thoughts that cross my mind scares me? people are complicated "creatures" (for the lack of a better word) and we have the ability to think, making us different from each other and almost every second when we r awake, we are thinking and everyone has their own train of thoughts that can never be completely the same as someone else's in this world. sometimes you just can't help but wonder what others' are thinking right at that moment and i guess that's what makes everyone an individual cus you r the only one who knows what u r thinking. and i guess the human brain is pretty amazing becus if you really think about it, when someone talks to u, how are we able to reply almost instantaneously? like how do we actually form the words in our heads? like yeah i learnt about the transmission of information to the brain through the nervous system in bio when i was in sec 4 (i hope what i said is correct) but they nvr went so in depth as to how we can actually know what to think and at what point of time. i don't know if what i'm saying makes sense or not cus i don't really know how to explain it in words,sorry!! well i guess this is just one of the many human mysteries!!!! [ok maybe it's covered in bio just that i don't take bio now]
time to head to bed and hopefully have a much more productive week ahead!!!
becus right now, our productivity level= our happiness= our life??
and in time to come, it will all end in the end right?
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