Learning to dance in the rain.: February 2014

A blogpost in the morning to start off the day becus i nvr seem to make it awake at night for the past few nights :<

Why does a good day now have to be determined by our productiveness and not by how happy we are?

My life is in such a mess right now and i know that i'm the only one who can turn it around but yet my plans to do so keep failing and it seems so futile. Like it's so near yet so far, reachable yet unreachable at the same time. I'm like practically screwing up almost every subject i take and i know it myself that i'm deproving for all and it sucks so bad cus i'm a j2 now and that's now how it's supposed to work. I'm behind in so many things that i don't know where to start and it just gets overwhelming. yet by not doing anything, it just keeps accumulating day by day. I'm pretty screwed huh.

I need lots of direction and motivation in life right now and may i find it soon before i find myself drowning so deep that i can no longer break through the surface and come out alive. I wanna grow up and be able to look back that i've given it my all at that point of time and not have a truckload of regrets.

Life gets harder as we grow older and i'm starting to see that a lot now. I'm 18 and that's cool but pretty scary at the same time becus we're going out into the world to work and stuff real soon. Time flies by like crazy and sometimes i really wish time could come to a standstill or time can slow down a litte so that we can enjoy the view before us, take a look and appreciate the people around us, absorb and enjoy the moment before it disappears from our grasp and to have the priviledge to simply think what we want to do next carefully instead of being caught up in this whole cycle trying to get those friggin As. I don't wanna disappoint my parents cus they've given me so much and bought me all the stuff that i want so i really really hope that i can pass my cts and do like decently okay.

You know there are those days when your thoughts are so loud you're so afraid people would hear them? Well sometimes i really admire people for being able to fully open up about everything to someone cus idk, i'm afraid of doing so and it feels more comforting to think through stuff alone.

Well sigh CTs is in literally 2 weeks and it scares me to no end at the lack of time that i have and i really hope i can get my act together and stop crashing. Somedays i really hate myself and my actions and the fact that i chose to give in to my weakness :( And i guess the only thing i did this week that was a little better was to cut down on my phone usage when i'm home but where did that time saved go to? Me crashing argh :-(

It's time to break out of my own viscious cycle and it's time to stop wishing and start doing.

I've been wanting to blog about orientation 2014 for ages but every night I'm so tired and end up crashing sometimes that i've only now found the time to pen down all my thoughts

#ARCANE2014 has been awesome possum and i'm so so thankful for all the people that were part of it and for allowing me to have such a wonderful and memorable experience :D thankful :") it's been an exciting and great 5 days and i'm really sad that everything has come to an end yesterday night :( withdrawal symptoms :"( cus this was definitely one of the events that i'll hold on to dearly in my heart forever <3

It's as if i could still feel the nerves one day before orientation. i remember how we were all in lt5 listening to all the briefings given by adhoc members and the teachers and how it was an influx of information and i really really respect the adhoc for doing up all the cue sheets!!! ogl camp felt like yesterday but at one glance, the BIG day was here and i found myself finding it hard to believe that i was actually gonna meet my freshies THE NEXT DAY. surreal but super exciting yet nervous at the same time :) and i still remember how brian and i were contemplating being a 2/3 men team when the sub-ogl allocations were out and i guess looking back now, i'm happy we made that decision cus this orientation has been nothing but awesome :D we called up our freshies and only like 4/17 answered the call :( thankfully more of them picked up their house phones later on but we still didn't manage to contact all :( interesting fact: i didn't get a call last year too becus they called my house phone which i no longer really use haha

Day 1:

we finally met our freshies!!!!! they were a little quiet but they seem like a nice bunch which i'm really thankful for :) it was more of a day to settle admin stuff so we didn't get to play with them a lot but it went so much better than what we expected so we were really happy :D we were definitely freaking out the day before we met you guys cus we're both kinda awkward and quiet amongst new people but luckily you guys were nice and easy to talk to and strike up conversations with :) and i'm so sorry my dear arvia 2 for not being there the whole afternoon cus i had fashion parade rehearsal :( but thank you for forgiving us when we apologised at the end of the day before you guys left ^^ and sobzpie we forgot to take a photo together :( but nonetheless, really thankful for the arvia minions and david becus after all the constant changes and worries, the walk-in was over and i guess we did the best we could :D

Day 2:

DRY GAMES WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Really liked how we all wanted to take a pic cus we were all sad that we didn't take a pic on the first day hehe :) great minds think alike ^^ and thanks for a great day :) hehe really glad to see you guys have fun ^^

Photoshoot :)

I think this looks nicer than our photoshoot photo haha :)

My hilarious forfeit cus they ganged up on me :< but hahaha credits to you guys cus this was definitely one of the funniest and most interesting forfeit i've ever had to do haha :) [SPOT ME HAHA]

Watching my freshies go all out at the various game stations made me really happy :)

School pride :) #VJ

End of day 2's activities :) one of the rare full OG photos we have ^^

Arvia freshies :)

My dearest arvia ogls :") really love this pic of us :) so sad that not everyone was here :(

My dearest freshies that went for dinner hehehe :) had fun with you guys :D and hahaha bryan's hilarious questions such as "what's your favourite shape?" will be remembered

Arvia OGLs + Arvia freshies :) (incomplete)

Had a really great day with my OG and thanks for still accepting me though i was so embarrassing the whole day, especially on stage hahaha :) and thank you arvia ogls for cheering for me like crazy, definitely feeling the arvia love haha :D and oh gosh why am i so embarrassing haha

Day 3:
WET GAMESSSSSS!!!!!!!!! :)
HEHEHEHE yay i always love wet games cus i like water stuff teehee :) but yay started off the day great cus our socks arrived!!!!!! thank you michelle so much for helping us order them online hehehehe love ya <3

Matching S53 SCs socks hehe :) thankful for these 3 ^^

Pre- Wet games photo hehe :)

My cutie freshies showing off their dirty butts haha :)

Sobzpie :( had to leave the og to host the sc tea session :( got allocated to do the house booth with jiali hehe :) proud of how we displayed the stuff ^^

Happy to wear our pretty council tee for the first time :)

AND O M G this still feels so surreal and crazy :) brian brought our freshies to visit me at the sc booth cus i was away from them for 3 hours :< and i thought they came here to eat sweets and hehe i was like asking them if they wanna join sc again then after awhile i noticed they were all just sitting outside so i walked out to ask them if they wanna come in and O M G a few of them were running back to the rest of us with gifts!!!!!!!! both of us were totally not expecting that!!!!!!!! ahh that moment's still fresh in my mind and i rmb how i went from confusion to surprise to feeling so touched and loved by you guys <333333 i was really tired and sleepy that day and sad that i had to leave you guys but you guys totally made my day!!!!!!!!! <3 thank you so incredibly much :-) i'm so touched by your efforts and thought that you guys put into it and it made everything so worth it and i really appreciate it a lot guys :) thanks for making your fellow ogl here feel like the luckiest and proudest ogl on earth <3 you guys are such little cutie pies :") and it's so cute how you guys said you were luring me out so that you could give us these :) ahhhhh thank you once again so much for the pretty board and notes and chocolates and that moment when you gave us the sticky sweets and said "stick with us", my heart totally went fuzzy wuzzy :) THANK YOU ARVIA 2 <3

Us being so freakin happy with our boards :) but the other ogls totally hated us in that moment :( hahaha

Dinner @ Simpang with these little kiddos and had a nice time with the few who stayed behind after dinner :)

BESTEST FRESHIES AWARD GOES TO MY DEAREST ARVIA 2 FRESHIES <3

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY DAY :)

Day 4:
LAST OFFICIAL DAY TOGETHER AS AN OG :( sobzpie :(
met my junior class for the first time and spent the morning and afternoon with them and they seem like a fun bunch so yay :) we were in our houses and hahaha the lynx ogls were reminiscing our lunaros days hahahahahaa super funny :) to 14S53, i'm sorry for not being the best ogl or being in my top form cus i was really tired but i hope you guys had a fun day :)

Went for fired up evening rehearsal next :) and omg omg omg omg omg we received the news that ARVIA WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :") ahhhh it was so crazy when we heard the news and all those present at the rehearsal were bursting with happiness and joy and we were jumping up and down together and hugging and it felt awesome possum and ahhhhhhhhhh i love arvia so incredibly much you don't even know :D andre even rolled on the ground hahahaha
but we had to maintain a little cus the other ogls were there but it's okay i could literally feel my heart bursting with arvia pride and happiness :-) so then we had to rehearse our walk-in for the fired up evening and thank you collin and david for choreographing for us cus we were clueless peeps up till that afternoon :) throughout the rehearsal time period, we were just spazzing with each other whenever we weren't rehearsing and it felt really really good, like BEST OG O M G <3 hahahaaha the other ogls had to rehearse too and it was so hard keeping the good news in but ahhh we managed to keep it to ourselves :) haha we rehearsed and for the first time, felt we were ready but hahahaha when the real thing finally came, we kinda screwed up a little but it's okay, that's why we are arvia :-) but on the other hand, i'm really sad to bid goodbye to this minion experience cus it's been a joy working and having so much fun with this 4 and i'm really thankful for you guys :) all those worries and nerves we had before the real things, i'm just thankful that we were there for each other :)
when the fight scene was over and david was the only one left alive on stage, all us supposedly dead minions just ran onto the madeshift stage with david and did arvia cheers!!!!!! ahh best moment and definitely highlight of orientation becus that moment when the arvia ogls and freshies were screaming and grinning like crazy, it was perfecttttt <3 THANK YOU ARVIA!!!!!!!!! <3 this was the best result that we could get from orientation and haha i still remember how chill we were during ogl camp and all we really wanted was for our spirit to pass on to our freshies where we had fun together and the result did not matter and just do our best and also to pass on the friendship bonds we forged with one another cus we grew really close to one another within days and how winning was simply a thought at the back of our minds and an extra perk, but WE DID IT!!!!! :) we passed on our spirit and we won :) feels so surreal and crazy but definitely good :) haha love how the practically the whole arvia shouts arvia to any question that the emcees ask or during any silences :) arvia pride!!!! :) BEST NIGHT EVER IN A LONG WHILE AND I'M SUPER THANKFUL FOR EVERYONE :)

MY TWINNIE <3

Our cool photo :)

Fashion parade bunch :)

My little freshies at FUE :)

ARVIA 2 :) so proud of you guys giving your all for all the games and cheering your hearts out :) hope you guys had lots of fun at fired up evening ^^

Met a few seniors :) there are other photos too haha

ARVIA OGLs <3333 and our beloved yufang :) love how we all look so genuinely happy in this photo :) super blessed to have you guys with me throughout the whole of orientation :)

ARVIA <3

Super sad that there was school on wednesday and thursday :(

Day 5:
SEA REGATTA AND MASS DANCE @ SUNTEC FOUNTAIN OF WEALTH :-)
Sea Regatta was pretty fun with 14S53 :) heheh you guys are a fun but super cheeky bunch cus you guys kept laughing at me and having so much fun splashing water at me :< but hahaha i know you guys are nice peeps deep down ^^ thanks for a great morning + early afternoon :) and yay LYNX WON ^^

Mass Dance @ Suntec FOW was a super crazy experience :) hehe all the jumping and screaming and shouting!!! thank you arvia 2 for such a lovely time :D to my dearest freshies, i really hope you guys had fun yesterday night :D i'm sorry for the moments i wasn't there cus i was running around taking photos and talking a little with my friends :< but anyways, yesterday night sadly marks the end of orientation for us :( you guys have no idea how thankful i am for each and everyone of you and for allowing me to have such a wonderful, amazing and definitely bestest ogl experience i could ever ask for :) thanks for being so nice, funny, sporting, enthusiastic, high and maybe even cheeky hahaha :) it's been beautiful getting to know you guys better from day 1 and you guys make me so proud when i see y'all becoming such close and good friends :) i'll miss you guys like crazyyyyyy :< and i really hope our og stays close and continue to meet up despite our busy schedules :) i'm sorry for not being the best ogl you could ever have, but i hope what i did was enough to make you enjoy orientation!!!! :) i'm really blessed to have you guys as my freshies and i hope you know that no matter what comes in your way during these 2 years, know that your og friends and ogls are here for you kays :D all the very best for your studies and ccas and i know you guys will make brian and me prouder cus you guys make us proud already :) thanks for this wonderful 5 days and know that i love you guys loads okays <3

To my dearest Arvia OGLs, thank you for everything <3 mega sobzpie that we didn't take a complete photo at FOW of yesterday :( but it's okay in the above pic, we're in our fired up tees too haha :) but yes i'm super blessed and thankful for each and everyone of you :D it has been an amazing journey with you guys and i would never trade this experience for being in any other og cus we're the bestest and nicest og ever :D i'm really lucky to be in arvia and i've woken up feeling so thankful to be a part of arvia every single orientation day :> you guys make me so happy and we have so much fun together :D i'm gonna miss you guys so much :< please promise me that we'll still have meet-ups and gatherings as frequent as we possibly can (cus we're J2s argh) cus i'll definitely need awhile to get used to not seeing you guys everyday :( you guys have been such nice peeps and i really love you guys loads <3 thank you so incredibly much for everything and i really hope our friendship will continue to last for many years to come kays? :) so thankful to be good friends with you guys now <3 thank you ruishuen and david for being the bestest og heads ever, red velvet cupcake and card <3 extra brownie points for you both!!!!!!!! hehe :) and to brian, thank you for being the bestest partner i could ever ask for and it has been a great 5 days with you :D and THANK YOU ARVIA ONCE AGAIN FOR MAKING ARCANE 2014 ONE OF THE BEST EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE <3 (ARVIA PRIDE definitely HIGHER than lynx pride, shhh if you read this don't tell david chia okays thanks hehe)