Omgahhhhhh i seriously really hate those sudden waves of reality that smack you in the face and it just ruins your mood i hate it when i can't focus i don't even know why and i hate it when inferiority gets to me and i hate it when i realise i have such a lack of time to get everything done omgahhhhhhhhhhhh help 

t h o u g h t s

thoughts constantly fill our minds and sometimes i just sit there and wonder why did certain thoughts even come to mind and sometimes you just find yourself constantly thinking of the same thing and i kinda dislike that nagging thought always at the back of my mind when i don't want it to be there. it's like i'm doing my work but somehow there's this feeling that's not right and it stops me from fully concentrating on what i'm doing at hand. something i realised: the harder you try to push away your thoughts, the more it gets to you. 

two weeks of the holidays have passed and i don't really know what to feel. time is passing by like cray cray and yeah there were times i regret the choices i made at that moment but what can i do about it? there's no reliving the time that has passed by (much as i keep wishing for this to happen, it doesn't). there r days where i just feel crappy and annoyed at myself cus i can't do shit and i know it's my own fault but it's just sucky yknow :< days spent going out w the fam are happy days but they make me feel guilty and crappy at night upon realising that i haven't done any work w h y :( and somedays i just get past them without really feeling anything at all and it's like i'm simply going through motion becus i know that's what i'm supposed to do. something i still cannot comprehend is how some people are so motivated and they can constantly push themselves to strive harder and excel. like how do u do that? i guess i could once do that when i was younger (maybe even up till when i was sixteen) but now, UH UH :( it's like i keep trying to imagine how others live their lives cus i'm feeling a little directionless in life right now but i don't get that 'enlightenment' that i hope to achieve so as to know how to go about my studying life again. you feel me :( 

andddddd well time spent apart from people gradually allows you to figure out stuff and sometimes certain thoughts that cross my mind scares me? people are complicated "creatures" (for the lack of a better word) and we have the ability to think, making us different from each other and almost every second when we r awake, we are thinking and everyone has their own train of thoughts that can never be completely the same as someone else's in this world. sometimes you just can't help but wonder what others' are thinking right at that moment and i guess that's what makes everyone an individual cus you r the only one who knows what u r thinking. and i guess the human brain is pretty amazing becus if you really think about it, when someone talks to u, how are we able to reply almost instantaneously? like how do we actually form the words in our heads? like yeah i learnt about the transmission of information to the brain through the nervous system in bio when i was in sec 4 (i hope what i said is correct) but they nvr went so in depth as to how we can actually know what to think and at what point of time. i don't know if what i'm saying makes sense or not cus i don't really know how to explain it in words,sorry!! well i guess this is just one of the many human mysteries!!!! [ok maybe it's covered in bio just that i don't take bio now]

time to head to bed and hopefully have a much more productive week ahead!!!

becus right now, our productivity level= our happiness= our life?? 

and in time to come, it will all end in the end right?

The Fault In Our Stars

I finally finished reading "The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green yesterday night after consecutively hiding under the covers for the past few nights reading it on my phone (^___^) It was a good book!!!! i could hardly bare to stop reading it once i started but i had to cus i had to go to school the next day.  used the time where i was supposed to do my work to read but it was a pretty good investment (at least that's what i think). yes i've really really missed reading :-( stepped into k i n o k u n i y a   the other day to get lea michele's book (so happy hehe) and somehow i just really really wished i could stay in there and read my whole day away. i saw so many books that i want to read but yet i couldn't buy them cus i probably wouldn't have the time to read them :< and yeah my mum would most likely not allow me to buy them haha and i guess the reason why i really enjoy reading is because when i'm reading, it's just me and the book. no distractions. no other parties involved. just me and the characters in the book. it allows me to fully imagine and picture what each scene would be like and it seems as though i'm in this imaginary void created by myself where i could momentarily forget the world that i'm living in. that's a pretty rare feeling as we are often caught up in our social lives and being constantly surrounded by people. reading has the capability of making me feel this way. 

 well this book made me realise how much our lives are better than many people out there :-)  more often than not, i kinda dislike books that have sad endings cus they make me cry quite a bit but yet i still love reading them cus it kinda makes me realise how fragile life is, where one day we could have everything but probably nothing the next day.  here we are often complaining how life sucks ( i admit i do too) becus of all the stress we're under, how we have this unending amount of work to do and so on but yet we never really thought about how other people out there in this world are suffering much more in ways worse than us. reading's a m a z i n g and it allows me think deeper about life and i'm just feeling really grateful for the creation of books <3

anyways can i say how hard it is to find a perfect blogskin!!!!! it's like i have this blogskin imagined out in my mind but i can't find it online and the noob me is too noob to create my own blogskin :<< saw pretty blogskins that i really like online but i have to buy them sobzpie :(

well the june hols have started and i haven't really gotten down to studying like super fast and well but at least i'm doing something everyday. at least it's a start????? and i really hope to meet my friends but be able to balance my studies too and somehow make it out of all this!!!!! really wish to fast-forward time to post A levels period where we can do all the fun stuff and live without worries but i guess it's "no pain no gain"? on the bright side, can't wait to watch the movie TFIOS!!!!! hopefully it'll be good hehe :-) but i'll most probably cry haha

Kays sorry for the random post but just felt like putting all these thoughts into proper words and well, hope everyone has a fruitful and productive holiday ^___^

P.S. Listen to the Counting stars cover by the Gardiner Sisters and All of the Stars by Ed Sheeran if you haven't :-))

So open your eyes and see
the way our horizons meet
and all of the lights will leave
into the night with me
And I know these scars will bleed
but both of our hearts believe
All of these s t a r s will guide us home

(^___^)