Even the stars they burn // some even fall to the earth

Well it's been a few hours since it happened but it still feels kinda surreal.......... 

No one expected it to end so suddenly and quickly it still feels so unreal and i can't quite fully come to terms with it :-( i watched e soccer match ytd and me and mich were getting teary-eyed when they lost and i barely even know any soccer guy and today, i watched my own team lose. that feeling sucks so baddddddd yknow :< i was praying so hard towards the end and we had a prayer circle for awhile but things didn't turn out as well. and it feels weird becus it feels like i have no right to cry becus i wasn't e one fighting to get the goal in and yet it's also equally painful watching your friends fight so hard on court right till the last second but it didn't turn in our favour!!!!!! oh gosh whyyyyy :( but i'm still super proud of my friends and the fighting spirit that they showed was amazing :-) walked in the rain for awhile as i was finding the correct bus stop, how apt :-( maybe even God was crying for us becus they say that when it's raining, it's God crying? me and yeehwee saw like rainbow colours when we looked down at the drain from above, maybe it's a sign that things will get better?

I'm always sucky when it comes to dealing with goodbyes and the lasts of things :-( it dawned on me how i had my last training with my teammates, how today was the last time i would be wearing my jersey and the booty shorts, how it was my last time using my stick and court shoes and socks (at least for the time being) and how i had my last floorball match already :-(((( much as trainings were stressful and it took up time, i think i'm actually gonna miss it :-(((((( i dk why but i suddenly realised how much all these meant to me and it hurts :-( jc's a short two years and you only have your cca for like less than one and a half years but i realised how i'm so much more attached to both floorball and council as compared to my ccas in pri and sec school when we had them for a longer duration of time. pretty crazy huh :-( but thank you so much to all my friends that texted me and comforted me :-) i really appreciate it <3

somehow i always imagined us on the RP court at the very end, smiling happily with our medals and me bringing my polaroid cam and taking polaroids with everyone but sigh maybe it wasn't meant to be? i don't really know :-( head's still feeling pretty heavy but gotta stop feeling this way 

nonetheless, i'm incredibly grateful to each and everyone of the floorball girls :") thank you for being a part of my life and for making my jc life happier and more exciting :D thank you for accepting me though i'm always kinda really noisy and embarrassing during trainings and just to let u guys know,  i really enjoy cheering for you guys both during trainings and matches okays!!!!!! :) thank you to my dearest endorphins for everything <3 we may not be the best line or anything but you guys are the best in my heart and i'm so happy to be in the same line as you guys and i love how we always play happily together and work as a team, our nice passes to each other proving we have chemistry and basically everything :-))))) thanks for always cheering me on though my shots are not good during trainings and stuff and ahhhh i'm really gonna miss trainings with you guys :-( thank you to all the girls for all the laughter, smiles and even tears and for going through so many trainings and pts together :-) one of my fav time of us was when we were at tasha's house for cny and we were all singing along to high school musical :DDD we should do it again sometime soon hehehehehehe i'm gonna miss you guys and i love you girls loads <33333 couldn't have been happier to be in this team and i'm super grateful for all the friendships forged :")

#VJFB girls team led by sham and gracia :-)

endorphins <3

it has been a beautiful journey with you guys and i wouldn't trade anything for this :-)  i can say that i've learnt a lot from many of you especially tactics wise and skills wise cause you guys all so pro haha so thank you! floorball season may be over for us now and we were so close to meeting our goal but maybe what others say is right, it's not the outcome but the journey that matters :) thank you for everything girls and please know that in my heart, you guys are like GOLDEN STARS, ALWAYS SHINING BRIGHTLY <3

  

What would I do

Just woke up from my 5 hour long nap and feeling crappy about it :-(  my mum would totally flip if she finds me awake now and not doing work but here blogging (I'm still hoping that she doesn't know about the existence of this..)

Well I haven't blogged in ages and I've wanted to do so since a really long time but i nvr really found a time for it/end up falling asleep :< the past few weeks have been a crazy time filled with many events and countless emotions and everything else sometimes i don't even know what i'm really feeling or doing anymore (will blog more about all these soon with photos hehe)

it's weird how i keep getting into situations that i nvr really expected myself to get into? why do awkward things keep happening and i nvr know how i'm supposed to tell these things to my friends and it often takes me a really really long time to decide that i should let my friends know and sometimes after doing so, i don't know which feeling's stronger- whether it makes me feel better or the fact that i regret saying some stuff out. okies sighpie maybe it's just me and my weird brain that's too noob for all these stuff. (but i'm really thankful for my friends who saved me in that awkward situation, you know who you are so thank you :") )

and when do we even know that we can really really trust a person and that we fully know a person? i mean everyone has their own thoughts and secrets that i'm pretty sure they have told no one right? it's weird how i can be such close friends with someone and yet there are moments that are so awkward in our friendship that i don't even know why i think this way and the next moment we are just really happy with one another or how i can be close to someone and yet there's a kind of distance between us too? okays sigh people are weird or maybe i'm the weird and awkward one

I think it's really hard keeping up with our school lives, social lives as well as sleep :(  i'm like not balancing well at all and the term's already coming to an end :((((( it's been a fulfilling term and i'm thankful for all the different concerts, events, floorball season & match support season but where does it leave me regarding my studies? i'm lagging in practically every subject i take and people are constantly complaining how they haven't done this or that and i'm like over here, ooh i haven't done this AND that and much much more stuff :< i don't even know why i'm lagging behind so badly and the only thing i'm pretty sure of is the fact that my studies are really dropping in standard (they weren't even really that high to begin with) and idk it's hard finding back the drive that i used to have???? i just feel floppy and poopy and i dislike school now :( yes there are days where school's really good but they seem to be rare nowadays :( in a way i'm not looking forward to june hols because it means i'll really have to start studying and catch up on all my work from scratch and no more excuses for myself and it's definitely gonna be a stressful period of time :< 

but anyways

HAPPY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST OG HEAD RUISHUEN AND WAIPAN (1/5 OF ENDORPHINS) <333 (if u guys ever read this haha) thankful to have u both in my life and for being my friend :")

sorry waipan i realise we don't have a solo pic tgt :(

I promise to blog more soon regarding swiss trip/outvest and everything else :)




At the end of they day I have myself to blame// I'm just trippin