I'm sorry that i'm not good enough. 

We're happy, free, lonely and confused at the same time

We often wonder about life when we're alone, when we're tired, when we feel awkward and when we're just not exactly happy but we're not sad too. life really gets confusing at times and sometimes i find myself not really knowing someone when i used to think i really knew that person. sometimes people do such weird stuff i can't even comprehend and like maybe i'm the weird one cus like yeah sigh idk and well there are people that i know but i don't really know-know you get what i mean :<

And sometimes i don't know what to make out of my own thoughts and feelings and it's complicated. and well the lack of time scares me  a lot. term 2 starts tmrw, i'm not physically or mentally ready for the term. it's definitely gonna be an exciting term with all the concerts and match support sessions and floorball season and my buddy coming over :) but sigh there's still my studies and haha i hope that i'll be able to juggle all of these and hopefully make it out of term 2 happy and with no regrets :> and in about around 8 months time we'll all be going our separate ways and it's sad to have to say goodbye to all those friendships and school times and i really wonder who i'll stay in contact with and who i'll continue to meet up with and well we all know that we only meet up with our close friends and not friends that we just know and it's kinda sad but sigh we'll see about that. there are people you are happy to talk to and well there are people who you are obligated to reply cus it's mean not to but sometimes i really wonder what they're thinking cus they just don't seem to get it -.- and hehe i'm really glad that my good friends are people who i don't need to text everyday but everytime we meet up, it's like nothing's changed and these are the friendships that i really appreciate :")

i had a happy sunday today at least i guess :) spent the day in town with my mummy and daddy :D and i finally tried shiok maki hahaha but it has e weird green stuff in it and the salmon's not fully cooked so it's not super nice to me :( but at least i tried it before hahahaha 

gonna rush out my hmk for tmrw after this cus well it's back to the busy school days where the to-do list is never ending :( nonetheless i still hope that term 2 will be a fruitful and good term for all of us :-) 

Lyrics that have been stuck in my head:

"Who are you today?

will you be the sun

or the pouring rain?

Who are you tomorrow

Will you make me smile

or just bring me sorrow?

Who are you gonna be

when i'm lost and i'm scared?

Who are you gonna be

when there's nobody there?

Who are you today?

'Cause I am still the same"

Who Are You by Fifth Harmony

P.S. When will i learn to be brave and follow my heart?

MARCH HOLS

Well so this week was march hols but it doesn't feel like it at all haha 

I spent 3 whole days at floorball training camp but though mon was kinda sucky, thurs and fri were better :-) though my fat legs and  arms are dying now and i like bathing a little less now cus it hurts when the scratches come into contact with water hahaha 

It was pretty fun being there for elects camp 2014 though i only stayed over for one night :) had a good talk in da night while doing sentry duty :D and yay bash night was fun though i was late cus i rushed from training :) 

SDD Adhoc :)

Spiderman :) exactly a year ago we were elects together

welfareeeeee

this sums up my wonderful night with the 30ths :-)

I finally removed my hair wrap on tuesday and got a haircut on wednesday hehe :D

It was really nice getting to have dinner with the ariva ogls (not all though) on thursday night :) I've missed them <3 and hehe we had nice food @ ambush :-)

rosti!!!!

arviaaaaa :-) birthday surprise for brian and ally hehe

Finally got my pink cone yay!!! and it really tastes a little strawberry-ish, really!!!! :)

Friday's training ended later than expected but it felt good though we were all super duper tired!!!!!!!!! and i'm so happy that training camps are over :-)

Yay to this awesome group of floorball girls :-) we got past training camp!!!! teehee ^^ photo was taken @ NTU Tenses but hehe we didn't take a photo on friday so this shall suffice

Sat: Yay had a short meetup with dwee and we watched D I V E R G E N T :-) hehe thanks for the nice day :D and piggy us shared jap rice, popcorn and nachos hehehe but it was really nice :) finally watched my first movie in 2014!!! #achievementunlocked 
and haha i read finish e book after i watched e movie but there were only around 15 pages left unread before i went into e cinema kays ^^

Little dwee <3

Our signature pose whenever we take photos with each other hehe :)

Well it's sat night now alrdy and i haven't completed any work at all :< I'm so deadddddd
so bye for now while i'll try to go and do some work haha 

POST-CTs

YAY the dreadful CTs are finally overrrrr and I'm really thankful :-) those 4 days were horrible and i felt so shitty and demoralised paper after paper and it's kind of like the first time i got badly affected by a paper and it affected my mood :-( and yes really happy that the torture is over and i got to do some fun stuff which i really missed and all's good now ^^ and thank you to the friends who encouraged me and asked me to press on when i was being sad cus i was a noob :D i hope you guys do well for your CTs and if not, we can work hard together :D P.S. i can go on study dates now cus noob me keeps falling asleep at home and i think my mummy allows cus she sees me falling asleep everytime haha :D 

BUT hehe shoutout to the bestest freshies ever!!!!!!!!!!! <3 you guys are really the bestest and sweetest ever :") when i was trying to learn some stuff for GP on monday, suddenly i felt someone hug me and i turned around to see who it was and it was anthea and omg i saw the whole og behind her!!!!!!!!! <3 i was totally not expecting that and my heart totally meltedddd hehehe :) thank you so much for the good luck wishes and the cupcake and the yellow snack i dk what it's called haha :-) it made my day better after a bad paper of econs in the afternoon :) thank you so much and i'm really really blessed to have you guys <3  let's meet and hang out together soon okays? :) i swear you guys surprise me in the most unexpected ways ever and it's the first time ppl surprised me so many times and ahhh so lucky to have you guys in my life ^^

and YAY got to have a nice post-CTs lunch with my dearest little dwee <3 love our mini food expeditions everytime we get to hang out with each other :D and i still miss being in the same class as you so much and though we're in the same school, we don't really get to see each other that often and i'm really thankful that we always get to catch up with one another once in awhile hehe love ya :")

check out all our yummy food hehe

Sorry that i look so derp in here haha

AND YAY TODAY'S THE FIRST FULL DAY THAT I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL STUFF ON SO I REALLY GOT TO ENJOY THE BREAK OFF FROM SCHOOL HEHEHEHEE :) Thank you kiddo toh for the happy day and for coming over to my house hehehehe ^^ love all the pics we took and hehe you can come again soon if you want :) 

Yay guess who finally bought the giraffe that i wanted hehehehe

And well i'm happy that i got to finally read my book hehehehe :) i wanna read and laze around on a field of daisies and watch the pretty night sky and just talk everything and anything with my friends :D there are some things that i always dream of doing but i dk if i'll ever get to do them but it's good to dream right?

and well hehe gonna go for elects camp tmrw after floorball carnival at NTU from morning till afternoon and i hope everything goes smoothly :D and sigh it's gonna be a stressful week of trainings next week cus the coach is gonna do a div selections after march hols and i'm kinda really nervous about that but i really hope i can get into the team!!!!! 

May march hols be a fruitful holiday for me and i'm gonna get down to doing things that i aimed to do hehe :D have a great holiday everyone xoxo 

Can you be my nightingale

Are we fearful of the fear of disappointing ourselves more or do we fear the fear of disappointing others more? 

Watching the seniors get their As results was pretty heartwarming :") so happy for those who did really well and i really respect you guys for being so smart and hardworking, for being so clear-minded in your goals and ambitions :D 

I guess it's the first time in my life where i'm really tired of studying :-( i find myself feeling so lost and confused at my study table as a million and one thoughts float through my head regarding what i have to do and those thoughts are so overwhelming that i don't know where or how to start. Is it only me or jc2's really hard :((((((((( some say that grades are not everything, it's just a piece of paper but in actual fact, THAT piece of paper matters a lot, it determines your fate and future for the rest of your life. Scary but so damn true. 

Life is filled with a million possibilities and i guess it's really up to us to live it the way we want to. 

I feel so bad that i keep thinking about all the shizz i'm not doing and feeling stressed up (i dk if what i'm feeling is considered stress or not but it's just that persistent thought that gets stuck in my head, reminding me of the never-ending list of things that i need to get done) when there are surely ppl in other countries or other places that are living a much harder life than me :( don't get me wrong i'm really thankful and super blessed to have wonderful parents, lovely friends, everything that i need <3 but i guess it's okay for everyone to feel like shit and a little down once in awhile right? Cus afterall going through sadness would then allow one to know what's happiness 

If a person appeared in front of you right now and offered you the chance to follow him to another city/town and run away from all these, would you follow him? 

My answer would be yes i guess. 

I guess one reason why i always end up falling asleep/dozing off when i don't know how to do my work or when i feel like shizz is because sleep is a form of escapability. At least when you're sleeping, you forget your troubles momentarily and you enter a world full of hope and possibilities as you dream about the things you've always wanted to do. But this comes with the problem of not wanting to wake up becus waking up is kind of a sign that we have to face reality once again. One of life's biggest dilemmas huh 

Well this week i really got to see how life is unfair i guess. People who deserve it so much more didn't get in and ppl who didn't deserve it as much actually got in. I guess i'm pretty lucky in life so far becus i usually get in for things that i applied for/tried out for. And i'm super thankful and fortunate for all these happenings :-) 

I'm supposed to be studying now but well i guess i needed to channel out the bad vibes before i can move on cus it's been stuck with me the whole week. Life gets harder as we grow up and the way we perceive the world changes. Life is definitely not a bed of roses but "we're given this life because we're strong enough to live it". 

To my friends, all the very best for CTs :-) we may feel like shit now but hopefully the next two days will be productive and good for all of us :)

Really hope that i'll find my sense of direction amidst this maze called life. 

"Can you be my nightingale

Sing to me I know you're there

You could be my sanity, bring me peace, sing me to sleep

Say you'll be my nightingale"